•I’m Ellen. I’m 24. My favourite film is Mary Poppins and I live in a small coastal town in the South of England. I work in the public sector and drive a car that is in persistent and constant need of a clean, as is my bedroom, and probably any other space that I occupy. I love having really deep conversations and ask too many questions. I live with my parents and my small spoilt brat of a dog, Poppy. I’m loud and outspoken. I really love being outside but often forget just how much I love it and stay indoors a lot. I feel things way to intensely and love until it hurts. And I am, at the moment, and always, on the edge.•

It’s weird. I’ve always found it easier to express myself on paper. Since I can remember I have loved writing, but have never had the perseverance or have made excuses as to why I couldn’t commit to writing properly.

Now, weirdly, feels like the right time. I’m wading my way out of an all time low, a quarter life crisis if you like. I’m about week… 6 of a low. I am unable to work at the moment and have been placed on medication which has been upped in the past 2 weeks. I have been leaving the house every day but have slept/rested/lay in some vegative state for around 70% of the past 6 weeks. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 23 but on some very basic and unthoughful reflection I can trace my mental health problems back to the age of around 5 years old. I have always felt things intensely and I’ve always expressed them very overtly.

Inspired also, by my Dad, who a week ago, suggested that I start a blog. My dad is a man of few words and rarely expresses his true emotions. He told me, a week ago, that he felt I wrote well, and expressed myself in a way that he felt could help me get through this and maybe even other people. I took his word for it, and I believed him and so… here we are.

I write posts on social media often, and I notice, that after this, I always feel better. It’s like a release. And so this is my new resolution, it’s a recovery tactic, and something to keep me focused as I try and battle my way out of this bout of awful Depression. It’s mostly selfish.

So let’s see how this goes shall we? I’m going to aim to be honest, open and raw in my writing. Not least because I think it will be helpful for me, now and in the future. But also because I hope it will help some of you not feel as alone, isolated, scared and lonely as I have felt recently. I will explain more later, but for now.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx