Dear You, if you’re reading this following a website link that has been given to you.

Thank you, for everything I haven’t been able to say.*

Welcome, on the day before my 25th birthday, to your thank you present from me. Welcome to Ellen on the Edge.

I started writing this blog following a prompt from my Dad, (Hi Dad!) he gave me this prompt during my recent all time low, completely out of nowhere whilst sitting across from me at a Chinese. He told me that he thinks I should start a blog (I was gobsmacked he knew what a blog was) he explained that he thought my writing was special, that I could be understood and accessible. He said that what I have to say could help people and quite possibly help me. It struck a chord, my dad is a man of few serious words and holds his emotions very close, what he says, I believe and truly trust. So… a few days later, early last month, I gave it a go. Thank you Dad, I am forever in your debt and without knowing you have truly inspired me. Ellen on the Edge was born.

The response has been limited, mainly due to the fact I have not published the blog anywhere other than WordPress. I have enjoyed writing, writing for me, to an anonymous and non existent audience. I’ve enjoyed writing about my daily struggles, experiences, self help techniques, research, thoughts and frustration with depression. It has helped me start to heal, helped me make sense of some things, put my illness into weird categories, break things down and has made some thing easier to understand and manage. I’ve been truly honest, raw and for the most part, tried to be eloquent. But I’m ready to share this with you now. I want this to help you, whether that’s to feel less alone, give you an insight and help you understand my illness and how I feel, or maybe, just give you a chance to have a nose inside my head. I want you to read this. Read all of it in one go (my first ever post is at the bottom, and work your way up), read it in parts, scroll down to a title you like the sound of, please do what you want, in fact scrap that, don’t read it at all if you don’t want to, if I’m honest, I’ve done 6 weeks without (probably anymore than 5) people looking at it and thats worked for me.

I’m hoping to share it more publicly soon. I think whilst I am no longer depression trapped or depression free, I am depression co-existent, it’s a part of me, I am trying to learn to live with it, alongside it. And as part of my co-existence I feel I need to share my experiences with, on behalf of, and for those who can’t. But I wanted you to be the first to read this. You who, along with this blog have helped me realise that being on the edge doesn’t always have to be lonely, scary or exhausting. Sometimes, it’s a bloody riot.

Happy reading.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

*If you’re reading this following stumbling across my blog (unlikely, let’s face it) any other situation or signposting, or through a social media share. Thank you too, thank you for reading.