I love my job. Still do. But let’s take it back to July. I was flying high on “new job vibes” having recently been promoted into a new role and in a position that I had wanted to be in for a long time. I was working with a team that included a couple of my best friends and genuinely liking going to work everyday. So I was frustrated when I began to become unwell. But I had to admit that working whilst battling and falling into a bout of severe depression was impossible. I had to stop.

Having been signed off previously I was very reluctant to take a period of time off when I felt myself dipping, but the grips of depression were tugging at me unapologetically. I was starting to lose concentration, make small mistakes, becoming increasingly frustrated and began to break down. Nothing was making sense and normal tasks that I would find easy or able to take on became increasingly hard to contend with. I was going to work and staring at a screen, I was getting through, but mentally, I was in a pit. Having been visibly distressed in work for a few days, and with an extremely caring and unbelievably supportive manager, I was able to have an open and honest discussion about how low I was feeling. I was ordered to make an appointment with my GP, and told to do whatever it was I needed to do to help myself. I was not to worry about work, and I had the full support of my employment, no matter what. Whilst heartbreaking that I may be facing a period of absense, the support of an employer during a time of mental ill health is possibly one of the most valued resources, and something I am so grateful for. I know I’m lucky, and I know this is not a blanket response across employers. But why isn’t it?!

It’s 2019 and I know that society is slowly winning the battle against stigma surrounding mental health. Although these changes have to be celebrated, there is still a long way to go. When taking sick leave to address, recover from or work through a low time in a mental health illness, I have spoken to people who have admitted that they have faked flu or an upset stomach instead of actually telling their boss the truth. I know that people feel that their boss would not take them seriously, or question their devotion to the job.

People suffering through a mental illness should be made to feel secure when requesting sick leave, just as secure as someone with a physical illness. Employers should be aware that mental health conditions are sometimes chronic, and when they have a long-term effect on an employee’s ability to carry out day-to-day activities, its actually classed as a disability under the Equality Act. This means that reasonable adjustments should be made in all cases, so that you can continue working if you’re able to attempt being at work. You shouldn’t be forcing yourself to work, day in, day out, if your mental health isn’t great. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and mental health sick days are just as valid as any day you’d take off for the flu. Please, please remember that.

I’m heading back to work tomorrow. I have been off for over 2 months. I am really looking forward to being back working with my friends. I was considering going back to work 4 weeks ago, but extended my sickness absence following the realisation that I hadn’t felt well for more than 24 hours. I spoke with my GP and continued to have the full support of my manager and employer. I have been struck with the mother of all ear infections in the past 2 weeks which has subsequently made me feel horrendous and drawn out my sickness for way longer than I wanted. Mentally and physically I am now okay and feel that a routine and getting back to work is going to help me continue to recover. I will be going back on reduced/recuperative hours, and I will be taking it easy.

Sickness absence shouldn’t be taken whenever you feel anxious or low, as this is an emotion that can be managed and you need to recognise this. If you avoid work whenever you feel these emotions it can set you up for a pattern of avoidance, making you ultimately unwell and telling your brain that it’s right, things are too scary to overcome. You’ll know if it goes beyond just these emotions though, if you need some help, some time or someone to talk to, you’ll know if something just isn’t right. You might just need some help admitting or accessing the tools to guide you to a place where you might begin to recover. But don’t bury it. Don’t continue to work, it will catch up with you and you may find yourself in a position which you are unable to control.

Take a day, take as much time as you bloody need if you need to work out how you’re feeling, make calls to your GP, rest up, and plan ahead. If you can tell going into work will prevent you from doing that stuff and end up sending you towards burnout, you shouldn’t go in. Work can wait, you can’t, trust me.

Wish me luck tomorrow, but most of all, Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx