How is it Sunday? This week has completely passed me by, in a sea of going back to work, to a routine, and to everyone around me and myself telling me that everything is ok and that it will be ok soon. I am ok, I guess. I’m fine. I am 58,000 times better than I have been. But I am massively feeling the pressure of ok lately, and I need to write this for myself, too whoever needs to hear it, I think I need to hear it, I hope it resonates with someone else.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.

Don’t get me wrong, these are all real and true statements and meaningful words that apply to everyone, no matter where you stand. I have enough belief in life that everything you and I are walking through in this moment, everything we have been through, we’re both going to come out the other side, and we will come out wiser and happier than we ever thought possible.

But the truth is, those words don’t help. Instead, they usually cut on a level we didn’t know pleasant words of comfort had the ability to cut. Because even if it’s true that it will be okay… it’s not okay right now, and sometimes that’s all we can see and feel and hear. Sometimes that’s all we can register inside our exhausted bodies.

Please know that it’s not okay that you’re struggling, if it’s feeling like everything is starting to fall apart around you. It’s not okay that you’re feeling like this, and it doesn’t have to be okay.

So what are we faced with? We tell each other it will be okay… because we don’t know what else to say, and some people don’t know how to climb into the shit with us at the time and just hold our hand while we cry or scream or rage it out.

I’m not going to tell you that everything is going to work out.
I’m not going to tell you it will be fine,
that you’ve got this.

Instead I’m going to tell you that I feel and see your pain. I see it. It must be bloody awful. I understand how much it sucks right now. How your heart is heavy and your spirit is tired. How it’s taking everything you have just to get through the day. I see you. I feel you. I love you. I know… I get it, I really do. And I also know exactly how much willpower it takes to not punch someone in the face for telling you it will be okay. Especially when it feels like “being okay” is sometimes a little out of reach, no matter how hard you fight to find your footing and dig your way out of the darkness.

Because you are powerful beyond measure whether you know it or not. You have purpose and a contribution for this world that only you can make. I know it doesn’t feel like it when all you can do is find a way to get yourself out of bed each morning, when the hours begin to weigh on your chest like a ton of bricks and breathing becomes a little difficult sometimes, when you’re forced to be awake and upright. But you’re doing it, love. It may not be at a rate or pace that you want, but you’re doing it. Just by getting out of bed and finding a way through the next moment, by putting that smile on, and by keeping your head up. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

What I am going to tell you though, what I will tell you, is that you’re not alone.

Even though I know it feels that way, like you’re the only person in the history of the world who has experienced this much struggle, who has been through this. Even the most happy and successful people have been through some shit, or are probably walking through their own storms right now.

You’re not alone. You do not have to do this alone. If ever there was a thing that lifted me out of the depths, it was being reminding that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to do this alone. You, are not alone. This weeks been a bit tough, but I’ve been unable to work out fully why, maybe it’s because of what I’ve written, but maybe it’s not. I’m not alone, I know that.

So… I’m not going to tell you or myself that it’s going to be okay. Not because I don’t think it will be (because, okay, it will be.) But because that’s not helpful to us right now. That’s a thing we say to each other when we can’t find any other words. When there are no words.

Please, if you take one thing from this, if you need some words, please tell someone you love them, tell them that you’re there for them. That’s much better than pressure of okay.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx