“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Dear August 2019 Ellen,

I hope this letter finds you well. I toyed about sending you this letter, what’s done is done, but this is from the girl pictured above, I know you don’t recognise her right now and I would just like you to know a few things that I have been mulling over. You won’t be able to and I don’t want you to respond. But just hear me out, ok?

I am extremely aware of how much you have pitied yourself in the last couple of months, and how much you have leant on people and almost forced them to your self confessed pity party without so much as an invitation. (I know! That hurts, and its very harsh. But don’t get angry yet, I just needed you to be sucked into this letter). I feel like you are trying though, (see, its already better) and this has prompted a lot of thoughts and I need to write them down and I need you to know all of this, because it may just make that dark unbearable cloud just a little easier to handle… please bare with me and read on if you can…

So, basically, everyone wants to feel special mate, because the alternative is feeling like you’re yet another ordinary person out of billions who will stagger through a meaningless blip of an existence and then be forgotten forever. So whilst I know at the moment, you do cry a lot and mope and feel sorry for yourself and stay in bed all day. Whilst I know you are feeling the pain and the hurt and living your reality and misery. (It’s okay, and even healthy to actually do that by the way.) I, now, have become acutely aware of the importance of standing back up. And that this is a choice, but one that you literally have to and will make. Eventually.

Some of us do experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. And I know you of all people, wonder why our difficulties don’t happen to the “bad” people out there instead of us. Unfortunately, the thing is Ellen, life is not fair. Awful things happen. Dreadful circumstances or tragedies will affect most of our lives at some point. It’s okay to cry and mope around, even get angry. But what I have come to learn is that at some point you must shake it off, let go of the past, and choose to not let it consume you entirely. You have to stand up again. Otherwise, you are never going to be able to learn from the experience and you will struggle to move forward in a constructive way.

It is so ridiculously destructive to dwell on negative events and carry that bitterness and resentment forward. How do you ever expect to even partially take control of a part of your life if you are so focused on the hurt, on the negative.

You at times, feel desperately sorry for yourself. But I guess, ultimately, and you need to know this… you can choose to spread your misery, or you can choose to rise above your circumstances, to seek help, to attempt to find the techniques to pull yourself to a standing position. You are, unfortunately in charge of your own happiness. It is your personal responsibility. Don’t let what is going on for you right now consume your life. You are not alone or unloved. Remember there are other people in your life who need you. There are people you haven’t even met yet who need you! You can’t help anyone else if you only see yourself. You cannot change the past, but you can change your future.

Let me tell you something, and please digest this. I am not saying this to patronise you, I am saying this with experience, and because I know you; You, you are giving yourself a reason to not try, then wishing you had the result you might have had if you did and feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t. You get me? Using your own misery as an excuse is always going to stop you from standing up, except deep down you know that you do have a chance to be able to rise and refuse to acknowledge it. And that mate, that is eating away at you like a fucking disease.

And lastly, unfortunately, dear one, none of this, none of it, is a choice. It’s something you have to do. I know it seems utterly pointless and you’re weirdly, getting comfort from the negatives, but you literally have to stand up. And you will, you fucking will. Let me know your thoughts. But just have a think about it, sooner than you do, ok?

Hang in there, see you soon.

From the very present Ellen, Ellen on the Edge xx