Winter: that time of year when the sun only pops round to see you off to work and leaves before you can cancel your dinner plans. It has always been a bit of a weird time for me. When the clocks go back on that insignificant October day and the night crawls in much earlier, the woeful and dampening winter spirit takes hold. Winter blues really aren’t so blue: grey is a much more apt colour for the mood. I definitely suffer from seasonal affective disorder to a certain extent and I think we all do a little. It’s a form of depression that usually takes hold in the winter months, and although I had major summer depression episode this year, and I know now that I actually have Bipolar 2 Disorder (which does include major depressive episodes), I feel the colder weather and gloomy days make life just that tiny bit more difficult.

Enter THE BOOK, stage left.

Picture this; your sitting on the sofa and you’re had a pretty shit day, you’re watching the TV, you’re watching a programme you love, but you’re also looking at your phone, scrolling through endless social media content, you’re also thinking about that work meeting you have tomorrow. Basically, you are thinking about everything, you are unable to actually focus your attention on one thing, and probably not getting any enjoyment out of it at all. I have found on tough days, that I have really struggled with watching television, when my mind is going a bit crazy, its only provided more noise, nothing else. Now, listen, books… they provide a form of escapism that is more intense than in any other artform. With a film or TV show, you’re given the visuals whereas with a novel you’re inventing them yourself, so it’s always going to be a much more powerful event, because you’re involved, you’re creating that picture. And unfortunately (massive fortunately) you can’t really concentrate on much else, you have to read every word, you have to read the whole page to create the visuals, you are taken away, and I defy many people to be able to think about much else than the words they are reading when reading a book properly.

When I properly immerse myself in a good old book, I can be swept away to a world that is separate from mine, I separate myself from the dilemmas or stresses I might have. Certain books have also helped me in realizing that I am not alone in a lot of things I have gone through, which in some ways has timed a focus for a healing process of recognising what others are also going through.

I have spent most of my weekend reading, I needed it. Some people like being constantly busy. They hate being bored. And for some people, I know that reading would not be stimulating enough. Other people like having downtime. They get stressed out when they cannot slow down and have time to themselves. I think I am very much the latter, and in the past few months have become dependant on real downtime. I decided midweek that this weekend, I would switch off (that’s what they call it isn’t it?), I turned my phone off and have spent time reading, drinking coffee and surrounded myself with candles. Completely typical and so cliche, but totally necessary. I have had periods of struggling to write lately and I knew that if I buried myself in words other people had written, I might be able to write something myself. And here we are. Writing about the very thing that I knew would get me writing.

I urge you to read, its the kind of therapy that I cannot explain, and when you find a book you enjoy, you can be transported, temporarily out of your own head for a little while. Now, people often feel pressured to read the so-called classics, even when they don’t enjoy them. Sometimes we read these to fit in, to impress people, or to seem smarter. The truth is that not everyone enjoys the classics, and when you’re getting into reading, high-brow and complex novels can be tough — even more so if it actually bores you. Instead, read something you actually enjoy, even if it isn’t regarded as a “great” book. I am telling you now that people need to let go of the snobbishness around books. Read romance. Read biographies of reality stars. For heck’s sake, read something you love — because that’s the best way to motivate yourself to read. Life is too short to read books you don’t actually like. Heck, read your way through my blog – that might be enough for you, ey?

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Some personal favourites (if you need something to get you started);

Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig
Notes on a Nervous Planet – Matt Haig
It’s Not Ok Feel Blue (and other lies) – Scarlett Curtis
Mad Girl – Bryony Gordon
The Salt Path – Raynor Winn
Breaking and Mending – Joanna Cannon
This is Going to Hurt – Adam Kay
Everything I Know about Love – Dolly Alderton
The Little Big Things – Henry Fraser
Remember this when You’re Sad – Maggy Van Eijk
Blue – John Sutherland
I am, I am, I am – Maggie O’Farrell
Normal People – Sally Rooney
The Rosie Project – Graeme Simsion
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine – Gail Honeyman