Darlings, it’s me. I have next to no idea what to say if I’m honest. I haven’t written this week for a number of reasons, but the main reason being… I just don’t know what to post. I don’t want to appear patronising, too positive, too negative, too anything. It’s just a bit shit and very difficult. For all of us.

I have gone through a mixture of emotions this week, I was frightened last week when I was in Ireland, it went into lockdown and I rushed to get home, I’ve gone back to work where there is unbelievable pressure to deliver and I have felt stressed. I have been at home where I am struggling with what to think, and what to do. I went to the beach and noticed how beautiful the sun was and how much cold wind on your face hurts. I guess I’m at a stage now where I am just trying to get used to it, as we all are. I think I have made a few mistakes today, I have gone to visit a couple of friends at their houses, I feel guilty. Whilst I know it is essential that we are staying in contact with people, we must now consider our actions, not even for the sake of ourselves, but for others. It’s basically time for us to unlearn a load of stuff.

I am trying my absolute best to stay on top of Billy, to keep him under control, to tell him to fuck off when needs be, and to be fair, at the moment, he is being an absolute babe. He really isn’t demanding too much attention from me, he is sort of just checking in with me every now and then, which isn’t always a bad thing. I feel alright, considering. I am sleeping lots and am trying to get out in the fresh air when I can.

What I need to say though, and what I think a majority of people need to preach and talk about – is that people are and need to stop being, absolute bellends. Myself included. Like, are you actually joking. People are stockpiling, ignoring and completely turning a blind eye to what is going on. I went out for a walk along the beach this morning, and came back through the town, where I can only say that the whole place resembled the chaos of Christmas Eve. I know I was out and so kinda being hypocritical, but why are people shopping, and going into crowded shops for non-essentials. Why are people still insisting on meeting in groups. Baffles me. I am telling you now, Karen, that you do not need that candle, and you do not need to see your friend from Yoga in person to practise your downward dog.

The government is now advising us to avoid all but essential social contact. This will mean that more of us will be spending a lot of time at home and many of our regular social activities will no longer be available to us. This is literally the thing that most of our lives are based on. Our free time is usually structured around social activities. It might help (and I know I now need) to try and see it as a different period of time in life, and not necessarily a bad one, even if we didn’t choose it. It of course means a different rhythm of life, a chance to be in touch with others in different ways than usual. Be in touch with other people regularly on social media, e-mail or on the phone, as there are still good ways of being close to the people who matter to us. We need to do what we need to do now guys, come on.

I feel like this is all a bit of a waste of time, and that you’re reading this, possibly rolling your eyes, or know you have read the same thing before. What I do want to say though, is that we are all in exactly the same boat, that anxiety you are experiencing the grief of losing your normal life is what we all feel. We are all going to have to learn to relax. To be indoors for a bit longer than we would like. I must stress that we must not take it too far though, whilst we must not attend social gatherings, or head to the pub, we must still stay connected, and whilst this can be done online, and over the phone… checking in, in person with your friend who is possibly struggling or dropping a bunch of flowers round to a member of family, or even heading to a close friends for a meal. This is what is going to keep us healthy. We must take precautions of course. But we must not make ourselves unwell. We need to practise social distancing, but we need not isolate ourselves completely unless guided too.

Basically, I don’t really have an idea. I am really trying my best, to listen to government advise, listen to myself, not overreact, not under react, not talk about it too much, not talk about it enough. I’m trying to be empathetic, but not over the top, I’m trying to be understanding, whilst also challenge dramatic responses. I’m with all of you. We are all with each other. We are all scared, we are all worried, we are all entering the unknown. But I do know that it’s going to take a few things for us to get through this time. And one of those things more than anything.. is talking. Let’s notice the half hour conversations we have that don’t feature any corona related topics (good luck with that one), let’s talk about tv shows. Let’s send each other care packages and letters, send each other messages and make phone calls. Let’s put on candles, read books, write, take baths and do face masks. Let’s colour, let’s decorate, let’s clean. Let’s go for walks to the beach, to parks, down the street, let’s wave to our neighbours, let’s smile at strangers. For the love of god, you will find something to make you smile, every day, I promise. Some of us may get unwell, but most of us will be ok. Those of us that aren’t will hopefully have the support of our wonderful NHS service to aid us on our road to recovery. But we all need to take a bit of responsibility now.

Let’s stay home.

We may get bored, but I reckon we are all going to come through this… come out of this, just a bit more self -aware. Please, protect your mental health, it really is going to need you, reach out if you need to, sleep for 13 hours a night if you need to (I slept for that long last night… I know right?!) I’m here to listen, if you need it, as are most other people in your little life, lovely person.

Sorry again for this post, I so want to post about other things, to talk about something else, but it’s affecting all of us, in every way possible – I thought it would be weird not to. We really are all in this together, and I will try my best to bring you less corona more crazy girl content soon. Thank you, always, for reading.

You got this. We got this.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx