So, I know everyone is talking about it, has heard about it. I know everyone will have opinions or thoughts on it. But I need to talk about the Oprah interview with Harry and Megan. Not least, to get it off my chest. It’s only a short one, but it’s I think, important.

What a raw interview, I was glued. My eyes were unable to look anywhere else for an hour and twenty minutes. I can’t admit to have ever been a royalist, to have been a true fan of any member of the royal family. I have ignored a lot of talk about Megan Markle and never really invested much time in any of it. But we can’t ignore this. I can’t ignore this.

I, personally… believed it. Of course I did. Anyone who speaks out about mental health should be believed. Who the hell is anyone to say what they are saying is false, unless proven. Some people do lie, they do… but we mustn’t ignore or disregard raw speeches like this.

Despite strides in understanding that emotional difficulties are not personal shortcomings or a sign of weakness, many continue to believe that mental illness is the result of poor decisions. For example, some people still believe that engaging in suicidal behavior is a personal “choice.” This is often followed by the unfair assumption that “suicide is a selfish choice.” It’s fucking not. It’s not rational, but it’s also not something that can be explained, all of the time.

Whilst I am by no means comparing myself to Megan, or her position, or her fame and power, she was silenced. And has been. Silenced now, by a backlash and a fear that no one would believe her. When I started Ellen on the Edge, I knew there would be an eye roll out there – a group of people who would see what I am saying or writing as a farce, or attention seeking, or even a lie. It was and is terrifying. Knowing that each time I post this could be pushed to one side. Or that someone was going to disregard it. I am willing to share, now. And the only way we as a society will EVER get past that fear or that silence is by continuing to talk about it. By me continuing to say that having thoughts of not wanting to be alive are real, surely it is honouring those who have had that real thought consume them through to taking there lives. These thoughts are real for the people who have gone through with it, and for people that haven’t, but have been close. Why the hell are we living in a world where wanting to die is seen as an attention seeking act or thought, when the thought itself is so destructible, devastating and terrifying, for everyone.

Megan Markle may have spoken out for herself, she may have spoken to the media or to the royal family, she even spoke out for her family. But Megan, spoke, for me, she spoke out for those of us who have been there. Who have wanted it to end, but yet… are still here. Thank fuck.

Hang in there, you lot.

Ellen on the Edge xx