I tried to get back up again. (with the help of paramedics, gas and air, a CT scan, 4 days inpatient treatment for a liver injury and torn muscles, morphine, codeine, naproxen, a massage mat, GPs, a month off work, cheese and coleslaw sandwiches, Ribena, my mum and dad, my partner, my friends, a back brace, my boss, reduced hours, a pillow, non-alcoholic beer, alcoholic beer, Heartstopper… I mean I could go on, I’ve missed a lot of things).

So… I got run over just over 10 weeks ago. Initially my mental health was completely unaffected, I mean, physically I was completely broken. But with the help of the above, I was able to begin to piece myself back together. A couple of weeks in, however, the realisation that pain is going to stick with me for a while, started to get to me. I felt like I had made no progress despite being able to now walk up the stairs, get to the toilet in less than 15 minutes and make myself a cuppa. I had been staying with my parents, who were unbelievable and I was treated like the qween I am for a little while.

I had to come home eventually though, back to adulting. The reality that I was going to be in pain for the foreseeable and started to grow, just then. I know that worldwide, people go about their days in pain all the bloody time, but I instantly felt hard done by.

Now I know that at some time in our lives we will all experience pain—physical and/or emotional discomfort caused by illness, injury, or an upsetting event. And I know that worldwide, people again, go about their days in pain all the bloody time. Though most of us would rather avoid it, pain, apparently does serve an actual purpose that is good and seen as “protective.” For example, when you experience pain your brain signals you to stop doing whatever is causing the pain, preventing further harm to your body.

Pain, however, is not meant to last for a long time.

I had started to get a bit angry at the fact that someone had caused me pain and seemingly didn’t have to suffer the consequences. Billy, just then, thought that it might be a good idea to poke his head up, let me know that life wasn’t fair, and that I should feel mostly shit about that. Thanks babes.

I had to come to terms with the fact that crossing roads will make me feel a bit uneasy and that crossing the road before the green man appears (even if its dead) is a massive no-go.

It’s got easier though, and I’m alright now. But I think that has had a massive impact on the last couple of months, and the reason I have been a bit absent from Ellen on the Edge. I needed to heal.

That’s okay though… sometimes you need a break… sometimes you need to get knocked down, but you will always get back up again. If you’ve been knocked down lately… sing that song for me, sing it loud!

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx