Category: bipolar

Take A Day

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

Why are we constantly and consistently doing what we think we should do, doing what other people do? Sometimes it is necessary to do what people tell you to do, but that’s a work thing.

Why are we living our lives through other people? Eating 5 fruit and veg a day because we need to be healthy, getting out for exercise everyday although we are knackered and need to rest. I am the biggest culprit in this, I feel guilty for doing nothing, even when I need to do nothing. A lot of the time, I let Billy tell me what I need to do, which isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes it is.

It can be all too easy to convince ourselves that poor mental health isn’t a good enough reason to take time out, to rest. If you’re physically able to do shit, why not do it?

But remember that our mental health is just as important to our overall well-being as our physical health. Just like any bout of illness or bodily distress, our minds needs time to rest and recover.

I know that a lot of companies are advocates for mental health/wellbeing days, and actively encourage people to take them. My organisation isn’t one of these specifically, but I am lucky to have the confidence in taking a day if I need it. I am, and continue to be passionate about this, and would always encourage companies to adopt this policy. A day where you are not feeling well, mentally, should be no different to a day where you are physically unwell. These days should not necessarily be for that. But should be encouraging people to “take a day” – to rest, to do something that makes you feel happy. I do understand that a small number of people could, in the eyes of organisations be “misused” – however I would disagree with this. Who are we to say how someone is using this day.

I will always take a day if I am not feeling right, if I am feeling unwell. Believe me when I say that you are going to be unproductive at work if you aren’t feeling right, and it may result in you needing to take even more time off.

This also however, stands for taking a day outside of your work life, you should feel confident in cancelling plans if you don’t feel up to it. Don’t apologise to your friends for letting them down, you aren’t, you are taking care of yourself. Just be honest. Don’t worry.

I am lucky in that I haven’t had to take a day in a while, however, I know I will in the future. I have no worries about this, it’s how I cope and manage, and knowing that I am actively doing something about how I am feeling, stops me from falling off the edge sometimes.

So my advice to you? Babes, just take a day, there are so many days ahead… having one isn’t going to cause an issue.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Coats in April

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

Right so we are in April, the classic “what coat do I take? Do I take a coat? If I take a coat am I going to be too hot later? I’m sweating” month. I fucking hate it.

Let me just say this, whatever coat you take, it’s going to be the wrong choice. We can never fully know exactly what is going to happen, we can’t predict the weather. We can’t predict anything. And I for one, can’t predict how I’m going to feel. You see our heads are even more complex than the British weather (I know, mental).

We brits love talking about the weather, it’s a conversation filler, an awkward chat, and sometimes we just love to bloody talk about it. So why don’t we love to talk about our mental health? Baffling.

I have loads of coats, loads. It’s stupid really, I can only wear one at a time and most of the time, it’s the bloody wrong one. I’m lucky that I can afford different coats for different weathers. But some people can only afford one. Some people can’t afford the choice. Some people cannot afford the help they need when the weather in their head decides to change. And even if they can, they may put on their winter coat in the morning, fit for purpose, stunning. But by the afternoon they are struggling, they can’t cope with the heat, and it’s far to heavy to carry around. But low and behold, they do, they carry that bloody coat around all day, and most people (apart from me), will not moan about it. Some people might even keep their big coat on, even when the weather is bloody boiling.

The other factor here, is that we love doing the thing where we ask people. “What coat are you going to wear? Are you taking a coat?” But the thing is, how the bloody hell do they know, they aren’t going to feel the same temperature that you do, and after all, why should they bloody tell you what to do. It’s your coat, and it’s your body, only you will know. And sometimes you will get it really wrong and you will sweat. We can’t expect people to know how we are going to feel, we must take advice and we must seek it if we need it. But trust me when I say, you know you. You will ultimately do what you think is right. It might take a little while, you will make all of the mistakes and you will be really bloody horrible to yourself. But one day, you will go out, you will realise you were prepared, you took the right coat.

What if it does start raining, you haven’t got a hood… not all coats have hoods. What if you can’t find a coat you like with a hood? What if you can’t find the right treatment to help you when you need it? Sometimes, we really do just have to get wet. It’s not going to hurt or kill you, its going to be very bloody uncomfortable (especially when it reaches your pants), but you will get home, you will dry off. You won’t feel soaked forever. The rain always passes.

What we can do though, is offer to carry peoples coats, offer them our coats if we aren’t too cold. “You have my coat, I’m fine for the moment”. It’s a nice thing to do. Someone you care about, needs that coat more than you do, and you are aware of that. Babes, do this with caution though, you don’t want to give someone your coat on a freezing night if you are then going to freeze to death yourself. We need to take care of ourselves first. We need to make sure we are okay first, because otherwise, trust me, we are going to be absolutely no help to anyone else. It sucks sometimes, and no one wants to see someone they care about go without a coat, but at least if you are warm, you can warm them up later! And yes, we do need to take our own coats, and we need to prepare. But sometimes… unfortunately, nature, the world, and life is never going to go the exact way we want it too. And there will be people there who are going to help, trust me.

The thing is, darling, no one knows. That’s what makes life so bloody hard, but it also makes life weirdly beautiful. We have no idea what’s going to happen later, we have no idea what’s going to happen in a minute… really. We can be as prepared as we like, and we can pay for all the therapy, take all of the medication we want, but sometimes, the storm is going to come. The hot weather is going to come, we are going to realise we brought the wrong coat and we are going to be well and truly boiling, drenched and screwed.

It’s freezing tonight, after a glorious day, thank god I took a coat. You do you babes, you take that coat, you don’t take that coat. Unfortunately, you’re only going to learn the hard way.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx