Category: medication

World Bipolar Day

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

It’s World Bipolar Day today. The official day of Sunshine and Showers. I’ve written a little bit about what it is, and how it may affect someone you know. I’ve done way to much research into Bipolar over the past year, it really helps me in understanding (or trying to understand) what is going on in my head. You see, bipolar disorder is a confusing condition, especially for someone viewing it from the outside. If you have a friend or relative living with bipolar disorder, this person needs you to understand, do a bit of research. If you don’t know what to do, or are struggling to understand, it will be appreciated so much.

In short, Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from 1 extreme to another. Throwing you from Mania to Depression basically. It used to be known as manic depression.

So let’s start with the “good one”… To outsiders looking in, bipolar mania comes in many forms. During these emotional highs, your friend or relative may become full of energy and overly excited about life. Mania can be mild, moderate, or severe, so you may not always link their happiness and elation with a mood disorder. Sometimes, all you see is a fun, optimistic, and upbeat person — the life of the party. But other times, you may notice erratic behaviors with their joyful mood.

This person may become more talkative, to the point where others can’t get a word in. They may also speak fast, or come off as impulsive and easily distracted. While this may be confusing for you, this can be a great time for people living with bipolar disorder.

Mania isn’t the only symptom of bipolar disorder. Which brings me to the “bad one”. Depression. Someone with Bipolar could be laughing and having a great time one day. And then the next day, they disconnect from the family and isolate themselves for no apparent reason. They may have little to say, become easily irritated, or lose motivation, which can be a difficult time for everyone. The depression episodes are ALL consuming, giving no leeway for any other emotion other than complete emptiness, hopelessness and pure agony. It’s truly terrifying, but does always, have an end.

Despite all the science and formalities behind Bipolar here – there is also “the middle”: The middle is what I imagine it’s like for everyone else — you know, normal people. I wake up in the morning and I feel fine. I don’t dread going about my day. I go to work, get things done, and have plenty of energy throughout the day.

I can roll with the punches the average day gives me. I’m not freaking out over small problems, I enjoy the little things, and I’m not loathing the future.

I feel normal and it’s how I see myself. I’m not some lunatic running around or some mopey, lazy slug.

I honestly wish I could stay in this mindset all the time, and more often than not, I am truly in “the middle” but I’ve sort of accepted that my moods will change on their own, so I enjoy the calm more when it’s there.

It’s really bloody difficult sometimes – I have always personified my Bipolar diagnoses as “Billy” – this means I have a separation. After all, I have taken a long time in trying to not identify myself as Bipolar. I’m Ellen, I just have an illness called Bipolar Disorder. (NOTE TO SELF- Remember that).

Basically, cheers Billy. Despite bringing me so close to the edge I’ve been scared I definitely will fall, I’m sort of glad you have your own celebration. You’re helping me learn a lot more about the world, you’ve given me motivation to get my head out of my arse and learn about things, to learn about all of the things. In truth, you’ve ignited a passion in me for Mental Health. For everyone’s Mental Health. Everyone has one, we just need to make sure we are taking care of it. After all, we really are all in this together.

So, Happy Day of Sunshine and Showers everyone, Happy World Bipolar Day. Give Billy, and everyone you know accommodating Billy, a round of applause, he ain’t all bad.

Hang in there. X

Calm down, Bill.

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

Ello all! I’d love to say “I’m back” but I don’t think that’s really a thing. After all, not like we can leave our bloody houses anyway, but that’s something for another post. I haven’t written in over a month though, so thought it best to be polite!

I talk about Billy a lot, but am aware that I have only ever written a couple of times about who he is and how he affects me. I’m often asking him to do things in posts, thanking him, and I have I have slagged him off, whole heartedly. He sucks up a lot of attention. Billy, not everyone understands you, so I think I should tell them about when you lull me into a false sense of security.

So I last week I on a bit of a high or “experiencing a period of hypomania” if you want to be posh. I was in a great mood, everything was good, it was bloody great. I couldn’t for a moment seem to stop moving at least one part of my body. People around me may comment “you’re in a good mood, Ellen!” – it’s great. I loved it, but it does start to take its toll. The last few days of last week I began to feel really sick. I didn’t wanted to eat as it felt like I had too much energy as it was, it felt like my body never needed food again. My body was working so quickly that my stomach was literally flipping over.

I’m loud, fact. I get told this most days and am rarely missed coming into a room. Colleagues and friends joke about me not having a volume button and unfortunately, this comes with its own obstacles being an adult at the best of times. However, when Billy is really at his peak, when he is manic, he makes damn sure that I properly embarrass myself, he makes sure that I say things without thinking. Without understanding the repercussions. Now, I have Bipolar 2, so naturally my highs are not euphoric, and for the most part, go unnoticed, even by me. My biggest indicator is my amazon account. When I’m on a high, I go a bit mental, and have been known to receive several parcels a day. This can be problematic.

This time though, I haven’t purchased anything – WIN for my bank account, but I really did feel it at the end of last week. I was EXHAUSTED. I was just going to fast.

I found it a little hard to cope on Friday and at the start of my weekend as I tried to work my way through what turned out to be, a very unpleasant high, in the end. I felt a little overwhelmed and distraught that Billy had once again, struck gold. A couple of friends did offer me support and asked questions like “how does it feel?” – I used the example of a scene in Nanny McPhee (if you’ve never seen it, it’s a great family film, released in 2005 and I would recommend). The scene features a group of unruly children who are chaotic they are TRASHING the kitchen, they are having THE best time. A new nanny (who turns out to be magical) enters the house and approaches the kitchen. Upon refusing to stop misbehaving in the kitchen, and being asked more than once, the nanny bangs her magical stick on the floor. The children are put into fast forward mode. They are doing everything they were doing but 10 times faster, it quickly scares them and becomes painful and tiresome, but they can’t stop until they say “please” to the nanny. This takes time, with everyone really trying to convince everyone to give in. This is exactly what I have felt like last week, like someone had slammed their magic stick, and subsequently; I was walking, talking, acting and thinking way faster than I wanted or could cope with. From an outside perspective it may look enjoyable, or hilarious, but it’s truly exhausting, and I couldn’t seem to slow. I really tried my best to ride it and am lucky to have very supportive people around me who have and continue to cut me a lot of slack. Thank you, you know who you are.

The stick did slam over the weekend, it was quite abrupt, but I managed to not slip too far down. I’m feeling a little more “stable” this week, although, still loud, of course.


Offer support to your friend who is struggling, text them and drop in, ask questions if you don’t understand, they will appreciate you caring, appreciate you trying to understand.

And my god if you’re feeling fast at the moment, I’m so sorry. I’m totally with you. Trust me, it will pass.

Let’s say it together… “Next time, calm down, Bill.”

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

(If you’re super intrigued and want to understand but haven’t seen Nanny McPhee – type “Kitchen Chaos Nanny McPhee” into YouTube).