Category: medication

Loony Pills

Ellen Thomas1 Comment

I’ve kept every single package from every medication I have taken in the past 17 months, packets of pill filled wonder that help me get through the day (and night) – 77 packets to be exact (just counted them as they fell out of my hand taking this picture, literal shower of loony pill packs… great metaphor there).

I don’t know why I have kept these, I remember telling my mum about it after a few months of taking them and saying that I was going to compile a post about it when I came off them and write about how proud I was. But truth be told, I don’t know if I will ever be “off” them, and I don’t think I will ever feel a sense of pride if I do. You see, these medications have helped, they’ve helped calm me, stabilise me and have enabled me to get through every single day, I’m still here after all. And whilst it’s not all down to a few tablets, at all. It has helped.

Now this isn’t to belittle your celebration if you have come off your tablets, and if you’re proud of it, you do you. You’re in a better place. But I’m talking for those of us who have not only situational mental health problems, but those of us who have illnesses that need to be treated. Take your bow, Billy, it’s all your getting.

Let me put this too you. If someone was taking blood pressure medication or indeed insulin, and they came off it one day “because they felt better” what on EARTH would we say, let me tell you: “YOU MORON”. You see, the reason people get to a place of stability and consider coming off anti-depressants/mood stabilisers/Valium (anything!), is because they are feeling better, they may sometimes even get encouragement to come off them. But I struggle to see why this is celebrated so much when it’s LITERALLY THE THING THAT MADE THEM FEEL BETTER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I am never shocked when people tell me “oh I’m on that too”, some people struggle with opening up about it, they feel ashamed that they may need a medication to just lift them a little or to help them get through the day, trust me when I say… I honestly don’t give a shit. And that’s whether you take them, or I take them. Would we EVER dream of judging someone for taking a bloody paracetamol for their headache?! It literally helps ease the pain.

Sometimes I do wonder whether medication (in any form) has a placebo effect. But even if it does, what’s the harm. For thousands of years (before unreal medication was introduced) people have literally been dying because they have an illness that people can’t see and so can’t treat.

Let’s celebrate our anti-depressants, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotics, sleeping tablets, Valium, anxiety reducing drugs. Let’s cheer for a world in which we are able to access or watch people access drugs that are literally going to save them. Let’s fucking shout about it.

I’m on loony pills, and I am proud of that. Let’s celebrate that we are loony’s – it’s what makes us, us. And I am sure, no one would want us to be anything else. We are all loved, I promise you that, and at the end of the day, it ain’t loony at all, it’s just a tablet.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

I Bruise Like A Peach

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

I am highly aware that I haven’t posted or written in quite a while, I have had some pretty big life changes (moved house, walked 100km) that appear to have taken all of my energy, (funny that). So life has been a little… stressful, but I know, hasn’t everyones.

I always like to write when I feel I have something to write about, this blog wasn’t for me to set goals to ‘write at least one post a week’ – but mostly just an outlet and a therapy. The fact that so many people do enjoy reading it, is just a bonus.

Anyway, listen to this.

I was having a conversation with my best friend a few weeks ago – I think we were around 4 Prosecco’s in and got knee deep into a DMC (deep meaningful conversation). I had had an accident a couple of weeks before where I basically had to break into my new house as I had forgotten my keys (I know, adulting). We were discussing the HUGE bruise that was now glistening on the back of my thigh. She told me I should write about our conversation, so this ones inspired by you, Luce.

Let me put this to you. Have you ever seen someone with a bruise and thought, “blimey, how did they get that” or “fucking hell, that must hurt” – “Does that hurt, mate?” – you have no qualms in asking them how they got it, how long it’s been there for and commenting on the size of it. You feel sympathy or even find it quite funny. The size and intensity of the bruise usually dictates to us, the level of the pain.

The bruise is visible and will, more often than not get much worse before it gets better. We will injure ourselves, and it will hurt, but the bruise takes quite a while to come out, and when it does, people begin to notice and react “goodness me you must of done something terrible”. In all honesty, in relation to my bruise, I don’t even remember how I hurt it, but it was clearly a big enough impact to cause a big mark, one that people would be shocked at.

It didn’t hurt to press it, it looked a lot worse than it was, and in all honesty – was pretty impressive, I think.

Now let’s bring this back to our mental health and look at the comparisons here, if you have an emotional injury or trigger… what’s to say you even know it’s actually happened. What’s to say that the emotional bruise isn’t going to come out, it might not, but it might come out and be bigger than you ever expected. But the difference here is that most people don’t see it, they won’t be able to comprehend how big your emotional bruise is, how much you’re struggling. And what angers me, is that it takes a physical injury for people to recognise the extent of the damage. Damage, is damage. Why are we not asking why someone is feeling down, or even, if they are ok?

Bruises are visible and the darker they get the more people react, but it’s not going to result in our body part being chopped off, the reaction people give is that of shock, but they know it’s not going to result in death. Our emotional bruises on the other hand, can quite easily cause death.

People understand bruises, they have had one before, they’ve pushed one and it has hurt. But they have also had bruises that just came and went, they made a mark, but they were nothing to note.

What we must be careful of is that we do take note of the little bruises, the little hiccups, the stuff we are struggling with but it goes away relatively quickly and we move on. I know no one is going to notice it or give you that massive reaction that you think is appropriate. But what we want to attempt to avoid here, is any of this resulting in a big bruise, one that takes weeks to heal, one that gets darker before it gets better. Unfortunately we are never going to avoid these things, these struggles, but if we can use a bit of the dramatic nature we approach bad physical bruises with, maybe we will begin to get there.

Bruises might not be, but sometimes they can be painful. Check up on your friend whether they have a bruise or not, and know that some people suffer when bruises are pressed, so maybe they just need to be left alone.

It’s a hard one, a hard one to judge and manage, but just know, and if you can relate, that I bruise like a peach, remember some others might too.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Ps, told you it was bad.