Meet Poppy, she is an absolute nightmare. She is incredibly headstrong, very sassy, and when I lived at home, would not pay me an ounce of attention as long as my Mum was in the house. She is a nightmare in the loosest sense of the word. She is extremely inoffensive, likes being very close to people, wouldn’t harm a fly (to the extent that I am convinced she would be happy to see a burglar, if they came through the door), she loves laying on anything comfy, loves carrots, and would come running from any part of the house if she heard the cheese lid go in the fridge door. The girl loves cheese, mate. Poppy will walk around puddles to avoid her feet getting wet, hates loud noises or too many people in the house, she can open any door that is not closed and will not lay on her back. She does this stupid dance whenever she wants something, and whilst incredibly annoying, is a bit cute. Poppy has major attachment anxiety when my Mum leaves the house, but will quickly retreat to anyone who will offer her a bit of attention before falling asleep as close to anyone as she can get. (Remind you of anyone, Ellen?!)
Poppy came to us around 7 years ago, her owner (my Mum’s aunt) sadly passed away and Poppy had been treated as a Princess with her since she was born. She was initially very overwhelmed coming into the Thomas Family, but I now can’t imagine our family without her and I know she absolutely loves us. My Dad will offer up any chance to moan about her, but he is quick to offer her some attention when she gives him the eyes.
I never knew the impact a dog could have until we got Poppy. Whilst she doesn’t pay me much attention, when I have been at my lowest, she hasn’t left my side. Dogs appear to have this weird sense when something is wrong, and in the purest way, want to help. Ultimately, dogs love us unconditionally, right?! They’re the ultimate in equal opportunities – entirely indifferent to race, gender, star sign, CV, clothes size or ability to throw cool moves on the dance floor. The simplicity and depth of this love is a continuous joy.
The reason pets have been such a huge success with mental health recovery is because they have a calming presence. When you’re suffering from depression you often feel lonely and it’s easy to isolate yourself, having an animal changes that. You can’t be alone and there’s a lot of comfort in that. Poppy has honestly really comforted me in my lowest of lows. Billy, for one, is a big fan of hers.
I don’t live at home anymore, and miss her greatly, she was a reason to smile, always. And when she is gone (can’t even comprehend it), it will be the biggest loss to our little family.
Whilst there was no real reason for this post, other than the fact I miss my dog, I need you all (if you have a dog), to cuddle them a little closer today, they will appreciate it, and I know at times, will have saved you even more than you know.
If it’s not dogs, believe me when I say, you will find something that makes your heart happy, all of the time. It will never disappoint you, I know it doesn’t seem possible at times, but it won’t go anywhere, and if you push through it all, neither will you.
I bring you, below, a post not relating to the C-Word, it’s taken me a while… but it’s also just… what I suddenly had the urge to write about. Hope you enjoy/can bear it.
So, I have several co-workers and friends who are 10 years my senior and up and at some stage, separately, they have offered me the same advice: It gets better. It gets easier.
Will it though, will it. I am 25 years old and so by default, I imagine am going to be faced with a massive eye roll as this is read. “You are only half way, you don’t know what could happen” – mate, I don’t, but if the past 5 years is anything to go by, I think the below kind of makes sense. Bare with me on this one, and if you can bare it, do read on.
Namely, being in your twenties is often confusing and lonely, not for everyone, but I think in this day and age, from some peoples perspective, this is the consensus. Regardless of our professional or personal achievements, we are still considered by others to be “kids,” especially before we marry and have children.
I think, part of what makes this time (and the whole decade, for that matter, or at least mine so far, can’t really talk from experience when I am only half way through) so infuriatingly depressing is that we think we should be happier than ever. The world almost wants you to believe that these are the years in which you are the most young, wild, and free. But it should be the opposite way around.
I think it’s a tumultuous time (big word alert), and rarely does anyone admit this. I mean, think about it. For basically the first time in our lives, we are going it completely on our own. Your family might have recently (or not recently) cut you off financially, or you might want to “make it” on your own without any support, and therefore cut yourself off. We are stressed out balancing our finances, and are shocked that just being alive can cost us this much money.
You may have moved to a new place, where you don’t know anyone at all, or you may be living where you’ve always lived, but are trying to make a new beginning. And for those of us still living in our parent’s house, it’s still not easy. The “rules” have changed, our relationship with our parents has changed. We are trying to be independent while we are simultaneously somewhat dependent.
No matter your living situation, it’s all complicated, and it’s all a bit messy. And because there’s no manual or guide to how to get through your twenties, a lot of us are honestly just faking it until we make it.
I mean, at this stage, if you’re at a similar stage to me, you have probably also started your first or second real big girl (or big boy) job, and you’re going through the the process of attempting to be a fully functioning “young professional,” with all of the young professional qualities you think you should be possessing. We wake up early, do our hair, brush our teeth, and then realise that the top we put out the night before has mysteriously vanished overnight. Adulting at it’s finest.
And then, to make matters worse, there’s the social scene of our twenties. There’s the battle of whether or not to go out, whether to get tipsy or hammered if/when we do go out, or whether to just stay home, catch up on Netflix, and eat chocolate ice cream and drink pink gin. And if we do pick the latter option; how are we ever going to meet people? How will we make friends? How will we find someone to date?
This takes us to the other battle faced often by us twenty-something year olds. This battle is known as the wonderful world of modern day “dating.” The world of hooking up, hanging out, ghosting, tinder-ing, dating, getting married, and just (the worst of all) “chilling.” As soon as you start doing something with a new guy, all of the questions flood your brain. Is he looking to hook up or is he basically ready to be engaged? Is he “chilling” with other girls? Is he dating other people? Is this serious or casual? It’s also rather complicated when half of your friends are sticking to hook ups, and the other half are engaged. And then there are the few that already have two kids and a husband. How do they already have a whole family, when we are still figuring out if our new shoes are work appropriate. The moral of the story is, and what I am sticking with is, be careful out there. It’s a dangerous anxiety-provoking dating world.
And the cherry on top of the cake: you’re potentially going to struggle with crippling mental health issues and the lesson, in bold writing… you’re going to be lonely in your twenties…this is pretty much a fact.
But no worries, it’s normal. You might not be living with many (or any) people, like you did in University. Great. You won’t always have someone to run every single decision by. We have to let our complicated, wandering brain take us to (hopefully) the right conclusions. It’s on us to make our decisions on our own, and to trust that we are capable of making these decisions. Basically, in our twenties, we are knocked right out of our cozy little nest, left to fend on our own with underdeveloped wings and a very uncertain little mind.
So essentially, at some point in your twenties, you should expect to face your quarter life crisis. *** MASSIVE HIGH FIVE – MINE TURNED UP JUST ON TIME ***. So, if it’s any consolation, it’s not just you. You are certainly not alone. Yeah, sure, I know everybody else looks like they have it all together…but you’re just looking at their Instagram. You’re seeing all of the photoshopped moments. They probably aren’t eating gourmet cupcakes every single day at work. Their beautiful body-building boyfriend probably isn’t quite as perfect as he looks (at least not 24/7). Their hot photos of their night out in London look amazing, but they are still most likely waking up hungover and headachey, freaking out about their work meeting the next day. You see, the truth is, and what I am quickly coming to realise, is that nobody has it all together in their twenties. It’s just not possible.
It is hard. We forget to reassure each other that it’s okay to be struggling. We aren’t reassured that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and that it’s completely normal to feel lost, especially when we are trying to figure out so many things. Our twenties are basically our second adolescence. You are changing literally every minute of every day. It’s like facing puberty a second time, but this time, it’s the adult kind of puberty. We already have the bra and tampons, now we have to find the money and the job.
Being in our twenties is hard, but we make it harder by making everything so bloody complicated. The truth is, we are not going to love everything we do. We are not going to be good at everything we do. We aren’t going to like ourselves everyday, and we are not always going to be proud of the decisions we make. We will face some more than shit times. So make peace with this. Accept this. Then live it up. Because we will learn. We’ll be okay. We’ll get through our 20s, and then moan about being 30. Horray.
Ellen on the Edge 