Ellen on the Edge

Look at that face.

Meet Poppy, she is an absolute nightmare. She is incredibly headstrong, very sassy, and when I lived at home, would not pay me an ounce of attention as long as my Mum was in the house. She is a nightmare in the loosest sense of the word. She is extremely inoffensive, likes being very close to people, wouldn’t harm a fly (to the extent that I am convinced she would be happy to see a burglar, if they came through the door), she loves laying on anything comfy, loves carrots, and would come running from any part of the house if she heard the cheese lid go in the fridge door. The girl loves cheese, mate. Poppy will walk around puddles to avoid her feet getting wet, hates loud noises or too many people in the house, she can open any door that is not closed and will not lay on her back. She does this stupid dance whenever she wants something, and whilst incredibly annoying, is a bit cute. Poppy has major attachment anxiety when my Mum leaves the house, but will quickly retreat to anyone who will offer her a bit of attention before falling asleep as close to anyone as she can get. (Remind you of anyone, Ellen?!)

Poppy came to us around 7 years ago, her owner (my Mum’s aunt) sadly passed away and Poppy had been treated as a Princess with her since she was born. She was initially very overwhelmed coming into the Thomas Family, but I now can’t imagine our family without her and I know she absolutely loves us. My Dad will offer up any chance to moan about her, but he is quick to offer her some attention when she gives him the eyes.

I never knew the impact a dog could have until we got Poppy. Whilst she doesn’t pay me much attention, when I have been at my lowest, she hasn’t left my side. Dogs appear to have this weird sense when something is wrong, and in the purest way, want to help. Ultimately, dogs love us unconditionally, right?! They’re the ultimate in equal opportunities – entirely indifferent to race, gender, star sign, CV, clothes size or ability to throw cool moves on the dance floor. The simplicity and depth of this love is a continuous joy.

The reason pets have been such a huge success with mental health recovery is because they have a calming presence. When you’re suffering from depression you often feel lonely and it’s easy to isolate yourself, having an animal changes that. You can’t be alone and there’s a lot of comfort in that. Poppy has honestly really comforted me in my lowest of lows. Billy, for one, is a big fan of hers.

I don’t live at home anymore, and miss her greatly, she was a reason to smile, always. And when she is gone (can’t even comprehend it), it will be the biggest loss to our little family.

Whilst there was no real reason for this post, other than the fact I miss my dog, I need you all (if you have a dog), to cuddle them a little closer today, they will appreciate it, and I know at times, will have saved you even more than you know.

If it’s not dogs, believe me when I say, you will find something that makes your heart happy, all of the time. It will never disappoint you, I know it doesn’t seem possible at times, but it won’t go anywhere, and if you push through it all, neither will you.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

I am highly aware that I haven’t posted or written in quite a while, I have had some pretty big life changes (moved house, walked 100km) that appear to have taken all of my energy, (funny that). So life has been a little… stressful, but I know, hasn’t everyones.

I always like to write when I feel I have something to write about, this blog wasn’t for me to set goals to ‘write at least one post a week’ – but mostly just an outlet and a therapy. The fact that so many people do enjoy reading it, is just a bonus.

Anyway, listen to this.

I was having a conversation with my best friend a few weeks ago – I think we were around 4 Prosecco’s in and got knee deep into a DMC (deep meaningful conversation). I had had an accident a couple of weeks before where I basically had to break into my new house as I had forgotten my keys (I know, adulting). We were discussing the HUGE bruise that was now glistening on the back of my thigh. She told me I should write about our conversation, so this ones inspired by you, Luce.

Let me put this to you. Have you ever seen someone with a bruise and thought, “blimey, how did they get that” or “fucking hell, that must hurt” – “Does that hurt, mate?” – you have no qualms in asking them how they got it, how long it’s been there for and commenting on the size of it. You feel sympathy or even find it quite funny. The size and intensity of the bruise usually dictates to us, the level of the pain.

The bruise is visible and will, more often than not get much worse before it gets better. We will injure ourselves, and it will hurt, but the bruise takes quite a while to come out, and when it does, people begin to notice and react “goodness me you must of done something terrible”. In all honesty, in relation to my bruise, I don’t even remember how I hurt it, but it was clearly a big enough impact to cause a big mark, one that people would be shocked at.

It didn’t hurt to press it, it looked a lot worse than it was, and in all honesty – was pretty impressive, I think.

Now let’s bring this back to our mental health and look at the comparisons here, if you have an emotional injury or trigger… what’s to say you even know it’s actually happened. What’s to say that the emotional bruise isn’t going to come out, it might not, but it might come out and be bigger than you ever expected. But the difference here is that most people don’t see it, they won’t be able to comprehend how big your emotional bruise is, how much you’re struggling. And what angers me, is that it takes a physical injury for people to recognise the extent of the damage. Damage, is damage. Why are we not asking why someone is feeling down, or even, if they are ok?

Bruises are visible and the darker they get the more people react, but it’s not going to result in our body part being chopped off, the reaction people give is that of shock, but they know it’s not going to result in death. Our emotional bruises on the other hand, can quite easily cause death.

People understand bruises, they have had one before, they’ve pushed one and it has hurt. But they have also had bruises that just came and went, they made a mark, but they were nothing to note.

What we must be careful of is that we do take note of the little bruises, the little hiccups, the stuff we are struggling with but it goes away relatively quickly and we move on. I know no one is going to notice it or give you that massive reaction that you think is appropriate. But what we want to attempt to avoid here, is any of this resulting in a big bruise, one that takes weeks to heal, one that gets darker before it gets better. Unfortunately we are never going to avoid these things, these struggles, but if we can use a bit of the dramatic nature we approach bad physical bruises with, maybe we will begin to get there.

Bruises might not be, but sometimes they can be painful. Check up on your friend whether they have a bruise or not, and know that some people suffer when bruises are pressed, so maybe they just need to be left alone.

It’s a hard one, a hard one to judge and manage, but just know, and if you can relate, that I bruise like a peach, remember some others might too.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Ellen on the Edge

I’m on the Edge and I’m Ready to Talk

I Bruise Like A Peach