Alright guys, alright? I hope your are all holding up okay at this strange time. It’s bloody shite. It’s weird and I know that we are all still adjusting. I haven’t really been writing, as you can tell, because… well, what the hell am I meant to write about, nothing is really happening and I am for the most part… just getting through it. We are all getting through it though, no matter how we feel. Each day we conform to this way of life, respect the rules, is a day closer to normality. I must add a pre-cursor statement to this post; I am telling you now, that I would not wish this time were pre-longed, I’m not sugar coating it, or making it into something it isn’t. I have struggled a little this weekend, its been long, and the realisation that there isn’t actually much to do has forced me to spend quite a lot of time thinking. I am looking forward to getting back to a routine tomorrow. But there are parts of this that, for me are positive.

Billy and me have been working through it together, and it’s going ok. But it is very slow, so slow. There is a lot of time to reflect isn’t there? (I know that sounds corny, bare with me, please).

Perhaps for me, what elicits from this space of reflection that Billy, I and we have all now been given on a plate, is that we are kind of forced to review everything, our lives, our work, our relationships and the attitudes we have had and do have about… well, life. Perhaps this forced slow down of life and turn down of the consumerist society helps us change lens and re-focus our attention on the people in our family, our friends and the community, and a ridiculous fire of compassion that has began to burn in people as we want everyone that we know to stay safe and protected. Perhaps as well, this forced slow down and quiet in the streets opens up the smells, sights, sounds, changing light of the natural environment around us…and that makes us smile.

And, perhaps the longer Billy and I sit, perhaps the longer we all sit, we will also realise that we are not really in control—and its hard, but we are all, I know, trying to come to peace with that truth and reality. Whilst we should all be continuing to follow the golden rules of clean hygiene and (for a time) social distancing as responsible citizens. It’s fucking hard work. No matter our age, gender, nationality, faith, class status, or political orientation— every one of us could contract the virus. So we must take care of ourselves, of everyone else.

Now, although scary, I am trying to take on a mind-set of “what is the point in stressing about it”. We can all only do so much, clean so much. That said, clearly the most vulnerable—the elderly and immune-compromised groups in our communities are most threatened. This is unjust. This is sad.

Right now, personally, most of the time, the lowered expectations of life are really suiting me, (I know I sounds like a psychopath; but hear me out, when I put it like this you might ‘sort of’ understand). The slower pace, the quieter outside, the friendly faces that smile at each other from across the road. The appreciation of food, of seeing your friends faces online, of creating quizzes. The long lie ins, and hours reading, the afternoons watching films on the sofa without feeling guilty about it. The time to stop, to just be, and not feel anything about it. Time to just bloody rest. The society we live in now just wants and needs us to rush, all of the time.

Billy is really suited to this time, also, I think this all came at the right time for me. I am not rose tinting an absolutely horrific time for the world- actually… maybe I am. You see, Billy isn’t able to react, to overreact, to be paranoid or low or anything.. because I’m listening to him. We are collectively coming to decisions about what it is we want to do… and doing it. If we don’t want to go out, we won’t. If we need some space, we get some space. Billy has left me completely alone at night and I’m sleeping better than I have in probably a couple of years, to be honest. I think I am probably at an unfair advantage in that I am still able to keep a routine, I am still going to work everyday. But in doing so, am taking a big risk. (But this is not a sob story, so please, hush).

I am still having rough days though, where I am kind of struggling to come to terms with this all, I haven’t been enlightened in this time and I am not going to be able to change who I am as a person because of all of this, but it just gets you thinking doesn’t it, it just forces you to think about what it is that we really do need.

I will say though, that, lots of us are feeling worried about the ongoing coronavirus outbreak. While the focus is often on physical health, it’s important to remember the impact on our mental health too. You don’t need to be an expert on mental health to be there for someone, to be there for yourself. It appears somethings are being overlooked at the moment, and we must not overlook our feelings and what is going on inside our heads.

I know things will go back to normal when all this is done, and that’s a good thing. Businesses are hurting and people are sick, and the sooner that is all over the better.  Life needs to get back to normal, but when it does, I hope we all remember how we really were able to cope with less, and how our lowered expectations for each day meant we appreciated the little things.

Stay safe gang, and of course, hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx