Tag: #faceofdepression

I Bruise Like A Peach

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

I am highly aware that I haven’t posted or written in quite a while, I have had some pretty big life changes (moved house, walked 100km) that appear to have taken all of my energy, (funny that). So life has been a little… stressful, but I know, hasn’t everyones.

I always like to write when I feel I have something to write about, this blog wasn’t for me to set goals to ‘write at least one post a week’ – but mostly just an outlet and a therapy. The fact that so many people do enjoy reading it, is just a bonus.

Anyway, listen to this.

I was having a conversation with my best friend a few weeks ago – I think we were around 4 Prosecco’s in and got knee deep into a DMC (deep meaningful conversation). I had had an accident a couple of weeks before where I basically had to break into my new house as I had forgotten my keys (I know, adulting). We were discussing the HUGE bruise that was now glistening on the back of my thigh. She told me I should write about our conversation, so this ones inspired by you, Luce.

Let me put this to you. Have you ever seen someone with a bruise and thought, “blimey, how did they get that” or “fucking hell, that must hurt” – “Does that hurt, mate?” – you have no qualms in asking them how they got it, how long it’s been there for and commenting on the size of it. You feel sympathy or even find it quite funny. The size and intensity of the bruise usually dictates to us, the level of the pain.

The bruise is visible and will, more often than not get much worse before it gets better. We will injure ourselves, and it will hurt, but the bruise takes quite a while to come out, and when it does, people begin to notice and react “goodness me you must of done something terrible”. In all honesty, in relation to my bruise, I don’t even remember how I hurt it, but it was clearly a big enough impact to cause a big mark, one that people would be shocked at.

It didn’t hurt to press it, it looked a lot worse than it was, and in all honesty – was pretty impressive, I think.

Now let’s bring this back to our mental health and look at the comparisons here, if you have an emotional injury or trigger… what’s to say you even know it’s actually happened. What’s to say that the emotional bruise isn’t going to come out, it might not, but it might come out and be bigger than you ever expected. But the difference here is that most people don’t see it, they won’t be able to comprehend how big your emotional bruise is, how much you’re struggling. And what angers me, is that it takes a physical injury for people to recognise the extent of the damage. Damage, is damage. Why are we not asking why someone is feeling down, or even, if they are ok?

Bruises are visible and the darker they get the more people react, but it’s not going to result in our body part being chopped off, the reaction people give is that of shock, but they know it’s not going to result in death. Our emotional bruises on the other hand, can quite easily cause death.

People understand bruises, they have had one before, they’ve pushed one and it has hurt. But they have also had bruises that just came and went, they made a mark, but they were nothing to note.

What we must be careful of is that we do take note of the little bruises, the little hiccups, the stuff we are struggling with but it goes away relatively quickly and we move on. I know no one is going to notice it or give you that massive reaction that you think is appropriate. But what we want to attempt to avoid here, is any of this resulting in a big bruise, one that takes weeks to heal, one that gets darker before it gets better. Unfortunately we are never going to avoid these things, these struggles, but if we can use a bit of the dramatic nature we approach bad physical bruises with, maybe we will begin to get there.

Bruises might not be, but sometimes they can be painful. Check up on your friend whether they have a bruise or not, and know that some people suffer when bruises are pressed, so maybe they just need to be left alone.

It’s a hard one, a hard one to judge and manage, but just know, and if you can relate, that I bruise like a peach, remember some others might too.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Ps, told you it was bad.

It’s Not a Problem Halved

Ellen Thomas1 Comment

I used to think that a problem shared is a problem halved. But life, some very significant events, and a couple of very significant people have taught me a good old lesson on that front. It’s not.

When I tell people how I’m feeling, when I’m low… the act of telling them does not make me feel any better, and I, most of the time feel the guilt of burdening them with a problem when they most probably have their own.

It’s something that we all struggle with, let’s be honest: breaking down the initial barriers and letting someone else know that you have a problem, or not feeling yourself or maybe just aren’t coping as well as you thought. For some people, talking about their problems is easy. But for some, it can seem like our problems aren’t big enough or important enough to warrant telling someone about.

In terms of talking therapy, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t going to half my problems. In all seriousness, the typical format of therapy sessions – a 50-minute session once a week – just isn’t ideal for the kind of person that I am. My brain doesn’t work fast enough to fully process conversation as it’s happening.  And even if the other person pauses to wait for me, I’m too distracted by the presence of the other person to engage in deep thought. I process all conversations later when I’m by myself. So this means that in therapy I ended up having lots of half-assed conversations, reacting to whatever the therapist was asking or saying without being able to really consider it or think about it until I was home. And then I would think of a way to say what I really meant. Except I couldn’t say it until a week later and by then I would have forgotten all about it and we would start the whole cycle all over again. Now, therapy does help a lot of people. We all know that.  But it didn’t get me where I needed to be at the time, maybe another time.

But you see sometimes it’s just not about making you feel better, sometimes its just about getting it out there. The problem with problems is that they don’t come one at a time. They generally appear in clusters and sometimes they even have puppies. There’s no quick fix or sunset affirmation that’s going to change things. The truth is that you have to trudge forward until you can make them change. Perhaps someone else can help, but chances are they can’t take away your troubles. You may find that brainstorming with another person or even a group will help you find new ideas to help you move forward. Not wanting to look bad in the eyes of a person you admire may keep you from sharing what’s on your mind. Yet, if someone loves you, he or she will help you deal with your dilemmas. Talking about it can help shed light on how to get through a problem. 

So if you desperately don’t want to share, don’t. But please think about it. Give your pain a voice, and let someone listen. Odds are, it won’t halve your problem, but picture this: you take a deep breath in, the deepest breath you ever took, it overwhelms you with how far down that air reaches. It hurts. Imagine not being able to let that breath out, chances are it will kill you. Breathing out doesn’t take away the fact that your insides were hurt, or continue to hurt, and you may think about it for quite a while, maybe forever. But it’s out now. Letting go or releasing that problem or information might just be an out breath, it’s not a problem halved and might feel like nothing, it might feel like everything and definitely won’t take away any of the pain, but if you kept it in, chances are it will kill you, maybe not right away, but believe me it will. Try breathing out, what’s the worst that could happen? You were no better off holding it in, little one.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx