Tag: #family

The Message

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

So on the evening of 14th February 2022, I was reading my book, happy in bed. I was not too bothered about Valentines Day, I was and am happy by myself, but know that sometimes, I need a bit of love. I give myself enough. But we could all do with a bit more, always. it’s not self-indulgent, its reaching out, its being attention needing. I tried this thing, I tried this thing that I want to look back on when I am having a bad Billy day, I wanted to write it down, I wanted to have a record of it.

I text/contacted the people I love the most asking them a question, it was to the people I care about and the ones I know would be there for me if I needed them at 3am. I have anonymised them, but want you to see the responses, and more than anything, I want you all to know that if you reach out just once, I promise you, the people you love, will give you more in one comment, than you ever knew you needed in a lifetime.

People replied quick, people replied within 24 hours. So I think that says it all. Thank you for replying to ‘The Message’ – I love you all, thank you for always being there, and for loving me, no matter what.

The Message: “Please know that I love and appreciate you. Always. I am sending this to you, not as a broadcast, but because it’s a message I want you to hear. I hope this isn’t self indulgent, but wanted to encourage people to reach out, maybe do this. So that we can all realise, when life is a little dark, that there are always stars and at the very least, we can pull on one thing. Maybe something that we didn’t realise. I am writing a blog post, and wondered if you would share with me, one thing that you love about me.xxx”

Here were the responses:

‘I love your passion to help and reach out to others, even when you’re not feeling great yourself. X’

‘I think I’d say your courage. You willingness to be open and honest and vulnerable with all of the things that you go through and the courage that takes to talk about it, in the hope that you can help someone else. I guess that also counts as your generosity, which knows no bounds honestly. But I adore and admire your courage to talk about the hard stuff, not shy away from it & be the example that a lot of people struggling really need.’

‘Genuinely though, one thing that stands out about you compared to every other person I know, and have known, is how genuinely caring and compassionate you are, like there’s not a single thing I don’t think I could not talk to you about’

‘Mostly I absolutely adore your amazing personality and beautiful soul. You have always been there for me even though we don’t talk often.’

‘You’re unapologetically YOU, you understand…nothing I say to you or speak to you about is ever too much or too far… and that cackle laugh’

‘I love you helping out making freezer space by stealing our freezer meals’

‘I love how understanding, kind and equally brutally honest you are. You are 10/10 bants and always show me max support’

‘I guess the thing I’ve always admired you for is how unapologetically yourself you are.’

‘one thing that always amazes me about you is your overwhelming positivity and how you always try to cheer people up. You’re always there for people who need a chat and have a grounded, reasonable conversation. Even though you have your own struggles you always put yourself out there to help others even if its something small like just making them a brew. It’s those little things that cheer people up and you’re an amazing friend, your personality is infectious and I know that if I ever needed someone to talk too, you would be there’

‘I love how open, honest, and unapologetically yourself you are. Those are the things that drew me to you in the very beginning.’

‘How it can have been like 2 months but you will start a conversation with me by saying “Also..”’

‘I love your unquenchable desire to live life to the full trying new experiences which inspire us all to try something new and find pleasure and joy in doing it’

‘I love that you are so very deep and that you see the depth in others…even fleeting people you will never see again!’

‘I’ve tried several times to phrase what I love about you. Each time I come back to YOU, you are you and I’ve known you since you were small and love as if you’re one of my own. I will always love YOU and be by YOU whenever needed’

‘You’re a fighter. You don’t let the bastards get you down. You face shit time after time and you just keep going. You find it tough for sure. I’m sure it takes every ounce of your being to keep going. And I’m also sure there’s days you just don’t fancy going anymore. But you do. I’ve said it a few times but you are an inspiration. Do I worry about you, absolutely. Do I wish I could do more to help, yes. But you’ve got this. In your own unique way you are battling your way through the shit that is life and you’re bringing people up as you do it. That’s what I love about you. You’re selfless. Also your laugh. That cackle is engrained into my ears.’

‘Gosh. Your vibrant sense of humour that has made me laugh so much on countless occasions.’

‘The way you are so good at making people feel better when they need it!’

‘I love you for creating Ellen on the Edge, you have no idea.’

‘One that always sticks out to me from either being the recipient or just being in your company is your ability to make anyone feel welcome. It’s actually a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. From the very first FaceTime/virtual house tour you made me feel welcome to when my parents and friends visit I can always count on you to see if they want a cuppa and comfy space on the sofa. I appreciate you so much.’

‘what stands out, is how real you are. Whatever the situation, you are honest and up front. You know exactly where you are with you! You’re never afraid to show the real you and I love you for that’

‘So the one thing I love about you is that there are millions of things to love about you’

‘I would say that whenever we see each other we always have such a laugh and even though we don’t see each other often it just clicks back to uni times. But as well as being fun you are also really good to have serious chats with and you are very kind and understanding’

‘Your openness to people’

‘Top one is your loyalty you’ve always got everyone’s best intentions at heart all the time!’

‘The one thing I love about you is your enthusiasm. When you get an idea you can run and run with it until everyone is on board…also the sense of humour has to be mentioned (sometimes even a look will do it)’

‘That proud look you give me when you think you are being really funny and you want me to laugh at your jokes.’

‘here’s two ends of the spectrum: your commitment to justice and karma and then your vulnerability and wish to be the baby of the family’

‘Your pure determination to stand up for what you believe in, your love for laughter and your dedicated friendship no matter what’

‘I love how you have the ability to bring out the fun side in everyone, your laugh is infectious and I feel everyone needs to have time away From the stresses of life and go let their hair down with you as it’s good for the soul!’

‘To pick one thing is difficult for me, I love everything about you, if you pushed me, it would be ,I love that your always true to yourself.’

So there you go. Turns out, people think I’m alright. My heart has felt so full in the past 24 hours. I am so glad that my heart belongs to people who want to consistently lift me up and that I do add something to their hearts. Something that at my low points, feels pretty impossible.

Self love is everything. But sometimes, so is everyone else’s.

Send The Message. No matter what, I promise you, that every single person you connect with will love something, they will have something to say. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.

Hang in there.

Ellen on the Edge xx

Everyone on the Edge #5 – Alicia’s Story: Mom, I’m Happy Again

Ellen ThomasLeave a comment

It’s here! Everyone on the Edge has been a project I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I am so overwhelmed with the response I have had and hope that this series will encourage more of you to open up. It’s an absolute honour to read and share your stories and help people recognise that truly, everyone really is on the Edge.

I would like to introduce you to my 5th guest on the Edge series. Alicia and I met in Jamaica 18 months ago, she was quiet on the trip, and when I learnt that this trip was helping her recover as well, albeit for different reasons, I was instantly in awe and drawn to her. Despite living on the other side of the world, in Seattle, she sends me regular morning and evening texts and lately we have been talking most days. She keeps me grounded and is one of the strongest people I have ever met. Her piece below made me cry, proper tears. Knowing someone you love has experienced this type of pain is heartbreaking. It’s a powerful, brave and beautiful piece about grief and strength, and due to recent events has struck a chord with me. I know it will with you, too. The floor is yours, darling girl, I am so, so proud to be your friend…


In the hospital room during my mother’s final moments, her wedding ring was removed and placed on my finger. It never matched anything, and barely fit…but I just couldn’t take it off. The past two years of grief have been an incredibly long and arduous journey. I spent a year in grief counseling, hating my counselor but returning every week regardless. I talked to her about every reason why I was sad, including what my mom’s passing has done to my family. You see, my normal family unit has completely combusted. However, that’s not the only topic of this post. The topic will be about how grief over the past couple of years has taught me about boundaries, support, and how to actively focus on my mental health through a trying time.

I’ve put a lot of effort into learning how to have positive, healthy relationships with friends and family. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have so many different kinds of fulfilling and loving relationships in adulthood. It’s given me a lens from which to examine my less healthy relationships. As a child, many things I thought were normal, I have since realized are incredibly unhealthy. The path to that realization has brought me to a sort of crossroads. 

I have several family members who I struggle with. I tried to have as much patience as I could muster for everybody around me so that we could all have the space to move through and express our grief. However, some relationships became unmanageable. I had to block them on my phone and social media. I decided that I needed some space, and they weren’t respecting my boundaries when I asked for it. I needed time to cool off, and would reach back out when I was ready.

It was incredibly hard to hold that boundary line against a sister, a brother, and a stepfather who was my only remaining parent. There was begging, yelling, anything to get me to respond to them. As time went on, it got easier. I heard about little spats between them, and was grateful I had no part in it. What I’ve learned thus far, newsflash, is that boundaries are f*cking hard, necessary, and most of all, ongoing. The most important detail here, is that if you’ve drawn a boundary in a relationship, many wont respect it unless you hold that line, every minute. You repeat yourself, and you reiterate that boundary as many times as necessary. I’ve now gotten to a place where I can recognize manipulation or toxicity, and simply remove myself from the conversation without feeling angry, stressed, or sad, thanks to these boundaries I’ve set with my family.

Family was so incredibly important to my mother, and her kids were her entire world. I’ve spent the past couple of years learning how to not feel guilty about not being able to fill her shoes in holding my family together.

The crossroads I mentioned earlier is the next step in this process. I have a question without an answer. I am at a point where I’ll need to make a decision about how I want to move forward in these familial relationships. Do I want to move forward? When have I tried enough to make things work, so that I can not feel guilty about letting those relationships go? If anybody out there has an answer, I am all ears because I have been stuck on this question for some time now. 

When Ellen and I spoke about what I could write about,originally, I thought I’d go back and look at my diary entries to see if anything was usable from there. Instead what I realized, is that I have a record of my journey. It reminded me of the terribly dark place I was in. My writing was so sad, hopeless, and angry. None of it was about mental health, but rather a total brain dump of everything that I was feeling. Going back and reading my earlier diary entries has shown me how far I’ve come by becoming an active participant in my own mental health. 

All of this to say, is I hope that if you are feeling stuck in sadness, anger, hopelessness, or grief, know that it gets better. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Pushing yourself through those hard moments and learning to sit with those feelings and cope with them is the way I’ve learned to move beyond my grief. 

I took my mom’s ring off about a week ago, and feel like a weight has been lifted. I am happy again.

Please listen: Most of All, Brandi Carlile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM-cBJJxXe8

If you wish to contribute to Everyone on the Edge, please send your piece along with a picture to ellenontheedge@gmail.com