Romantic comedies are one of my favourite types of movies, but I’ve started to realise how unrealistic their main characters are. They spend all this time falling in love, and of course, have spare time to exercise, cook ultra-healthy meals, work 50 hours a week for their big promotion, have budding social lives, travel…the list goes on and on.
IT’S A LIE.
I mean… the absolute worst thing that happens to people is quite literally aging.
I mean it is for some people. I am a part of that group. In my opinion, I think that adulting just quite literally sucks balls most of the time.
I know there are perks, and for a middle class, white woman I am extremely privileged. I have a roof over my head, a stable job and can afford to eat. I can do what I want, ultimately.
However, there’s just the issue of being an adult. And just because society has dubbed me the title of adult, does not mean I am being an adult.
We have to learn how to manage time and we all know that it is hard sometimes. We have to be able to go to work, do all our chores, socialize and still be able to get enough sleep, and it’s fucking harder than the rom coms suggest. At this point, I already accept procrastination as a friend that I have to follow until the end.
We have to do things by ourselves. We cannot, no matter how much we try, depend on our parents forever. We have to pay for everything, by ourselves. We have to learn how to cook, think about what to cook EVERY NIGHT, pay bills and clean the kitchen 59 times a day because quite literally making a piece of toast makes it look like a bomb has hit it.
I have been struggling so much with all of this lately, I have found it so overwhelming, all of a sudden. I just can’t keep up. About a month ago I went back to my parents for a night… I went home. I cried to my Mum and Dad about how hard I was finding adulting, about how I wish, I could go back, to not necessarily being a toddler or even a young child, but to being a young adult, a teenager. Being looked after and just being a bit more care free. It really devastated me, and for a night, I just wanted to be my parents child.
Why is there just so much to do CONSTANTLY when you have to be independent?! It’s suffocating at times and the only thing you can do is move on, get used to it, and grab hold of the pleasures of being an adult. I know that in the end you just have to learn to do everything yourself and move on with your life. Life will never feel like easy leisure like it was when you were a kid, and it for sure will never feel like a rom com, but I suppose being an adult does mean that you can create your own little bubble, and decide what adulting looks like for you. And I have to just accept that it’s alright sometimes.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that I feel it’s okay to mourn being a teenager, being a child or just being young. Adulting is fucking hard mate. (I know that being a teenager at the moment involves way more pressure than it did when I was), but I still think it must be easier, right? And I guess thinking that is also ok?
I guess most of all, I just really wish I did not take watching Tracy Beaker every afternoon for granted.
Hang in there adult, we haven’t got this, but we haven’t got this, together.
So on the evening of 14th February 2022, I was reading my book, happy in bed. I was not too bothered about Valentines Day, I was and am happy by myself, but know that sometimes, I need a bit of love. I give myself enough. But we could all do with a bit more, always. it’s not self-indulgent, its reaching out, its being attention needing. I tried this thing, I tried this thing that I want to look back on when I am having a bad Billy day, I wanted to write it down, I wanted to have a record of it.
I text/contacted the people I love the most asking them a question, it was to the people I care about and the ones I know would be there for me if I needed them at 3am. I have anonymised them, but want you to see the responses, and more than anything, I want you all to know that if you reach out just once, I promise you, the people you love, will give you more in one comment, than you ever knew you needed in a lifetime.
People replied quick, people replied within 24 hours. So I think that says it all. Thank you for replying to ‘The Message’ – I love you all, thank you for always being there, and for loving me, no matter what.
The Message: “Please know that I love and appreciate you. Always. I am sending this to you, not as a broadcast, but because it’s a message I want you to hear. I hope this isn’t self indulgent, but wanted to encourage people to reach out, maybe do this. So that we can all realise, when life is a little dark, that there are always stars and at the very least, we can pull on one thing. Maybe something that we didn’t realise. I am writing a blog post, and wondered if you would share with me, one thing that you love about me.xxx”
Here were the responses:
‘I love your passion to help and reach out to others, even when you’re not feeling great yourself. X’
‘I think I’d say your courage. You willingness to be open and honest and vulnerable with all of the things that you go through and the courage that takes to talk about it, in the hope that you can help someone else. I guess that also counts as your generosity, which knows no bounds honestly. But I adore and admire your courage to talk about the hard stuff, not shy away from it & be the example that a lot of people struggling really need.’
‘Genuinely though, one thing that stands out about you compared to every other person I know, and have known, is how genuinely caring and compassionate you are, like there’s not a single thing I don’t think I could not talk to you about’
‘Mostly I absolutely adore your amazing personality and beautiful soul. You have always been there for me even though we don’t talk often.’
‘You’re unapologetically YOU, you understand…nothing I say to you or speak to you about is ever too much or too far… and that cackle laugh’
‘I love you helping out making freezer space by stealing our freezer meals’
‘I love how understanding, kind and equally brutally honest you are. You are 10/10 bants and always show me max support’
‘I guess the thing I’ve always admired you for is how unapologetically yourself you are.’
‘one thing that always amazes me about you is your overwhelming positivity and how you always try to cheer people up. You’re always there for people who need a chat and have a grounded, reasonable conversation. Even though you have your own struggles you always put yourself out there to help others even if its something small like just making them a brew. It’s those little things that cheer people up and you’re an amazing friend, your personality is infectious and I know that if I ever needed someone to talk too, you would be there’
‘I love how open, honest, and unapologetically yourself you are. Those are the things that drew me to you in the very beginning.’
‘How it can have been like 2 months but you will start a conversation with me by saying “Also..”’
‘I love your unquenchable desire to live life to the full trying new experiences which inspire us all to try something new and find pleasure and joy in doing it’
‘I love that you are so very deep and that you see the depth in others…even fleeting people you will never see again!’
‘I’ve tried several times to phrase what I love about you. Each time I come back to YOU, you are you and I’ve known you since you were small and love as if you’re one of my own. I will always love YOU and be by YOU whenever needed’
‘You’re a fighter. You don’t let the bastards get you down. You face shit time after time and you just keep going. You find it tough for sure. I’m sure it takes every ounce of your being to keep going. And I’m also sure there’s days you just don’t fancy going anymore. But you do. I’ve said it a few times but you are an inspiration. Do I worry about you, absolutely. Do I wish I could do more to help, yes. But you’ve got this. In your own unique way you are battling your way through the shit that is life and you’re bringing people up as you do it. That’s what I love about you. You’re selfless. Also your laugh. That cackle is engrained into my ears.’
‘Gosh. Your vibrant sense of humour that has made me laugh so much on countless occasions.’
‘The way you are so good at making people feel better when they need it!’
‘I love you for creating Ellen on the Edge, you have no idea.’
‘One that always sticks out to me from either being the recipient or just being in your company is your ability to make anyone feel welcome. It’s actually a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. From the very first FaceTime/virtual house tour you made me feel welcome to when my parents and friends visit I can always count on you to see if they want a cuppa and comfy space on the sofa. I appreciate you so much.’
‘what stands out, is how real you are. Whatever the situation, you are honest and up front. You know exactly where you are with you! You’re never afraid to show the real you and I love you for that’
‘So the one thing I love about you is that there are millions of things to love about you’
‘I would say that whenever we see each other we always have such a laugh and even though we don’t see each other often it just clicks back to uni times. But as well as being fun you are also really good to have serious chats with and you are very kind and understanding’
‘Your openness to people’
‘Top one is your loyalty you’ve always got everyone’s best intentions at heart all the time!’
‘The one thing I love about you is your enthusiasm. When you get an idea you can run and run with it until everyone is on board…also the sense of humour has to be mentioned (sometimes even a look will do it)’
‘That proud look you give me when you think you are being really funny and you want me to laugh at your jokes.’
‘here’s two ends of the spectrum: your commitment to justice and karma and then your vulnerability and wish to be the baby of the family’
‘Your pure determination to stand up for what you believe in, your love for laughter and your dedicated friendship no matter what’
‘I love how you have the ability to bring out the fun side in everyone, your laugh is infectious and I feel everyone needs to have time away From the stresses of life and go let their hair down with you as it’s good for the soul!’
‘To pick one thing is difficult for me, I love everything about you, if you pushed me, it would be ,I love that your always true to yourself.’
So there you go. Turns out, people think I’m alright. My heart has felt so full in the past 24 hours. I am so glad that my heart belongs to people who want to consistently lift me up and that I do add something to their hearts. Something that at my low points, feels pretty impossible.
Self love is everything. But sometimes, so is everyone else’s.
Send The Message. No matter what, I promise you, that every single person you connect with will love something, they will have something to say. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.
Ellen on the Edge 